of the bloodsharers and bloodgivers.

i refuse to believe that i will end up having the ordinary job and living the most ordinary life with the most average joe that i could find.. no. i refuse to believe in that flatly. no. never. i know i am destined to do great things, to become the greatest person that one could ever seen. i don't care if the whole world is against me. and i don't care even if i have to finish the journey alone, on my own. without any companion.


my faith in true love, as in the opposite sex attraction kind of shit is beginning to fade. i grew tired of hoping sitting and thinking like a buffoon when i am clearly not one. and it is okay. perfectly fine by me if i have to finish the journey alone. and as cliche as it may sound; i don't really need any men in my life. i have my abah and my brother. they could provide me more than anyone else could have. and they have the same blood as mine and even though they might hurt me at one time, i cannot revert the love away from them. because it is in my blood. 


enough about men. i am reconsidering about what have i done all these past few years and she claimed that i have done nothing indeed and i am wasting my time completely. do you know how hurtful it sounds when it comes from my own bloodsharer? as if it is not enough that my own father have little trust about the fact that i am not going to get into the university.


it hurts damn much, blog. very much so. i can take it from some losers back in kdu, or some good for nothing i am better than you wannabe bitch. but from my own bloodsharer? seriously. where did i go wrong? was it because i was trying to act martyr by staying home close to my bloodgivers? is that what gave me away? 


it dawned to me over and over again; why do i even bother trying my hardest to be good?